So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
