I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
