so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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