Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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