Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
