I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
