i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
