Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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