omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
