when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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