No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
