So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
