I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
