Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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