I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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