I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
