i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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