You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
