Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
