I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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