Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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