I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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