I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
