just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize