okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize