I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
