i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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