i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
