It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
