You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
