i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
