Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
