Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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