I showed him my bush... on skype.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
