Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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