Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
