I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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