I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
