He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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