Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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