Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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