there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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