had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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