if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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