if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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