at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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