3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
