Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
