If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
