All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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