I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
