Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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