He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
They have beer where we have blood.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
