If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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