Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When are your genitals available?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
