I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
whose parrot is this?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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