I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
