addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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