My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
