the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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