Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
