evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
