so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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