I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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