We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
