I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I didn't shave. On purpose
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
