Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
