I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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